I don’t know who dying is harder on, the one who is at the end of their life or the ones watching it happen. Waiting for the last breath to be taken.
It’s crazy how quickly life can take a turn. We’ve been watching my dad’s decline for several months now but it seems that all of a sudden things are coming to an end. This where we’re at this week. My dad has been coded as actively dying. Hospice is coming every day now. We are keeping him comfortable. He is pretty much comatose now. We are just waiting.
Life is fragile. Take nothing for granted. Hold your loved ones close. This is our new normal.
The first thing I do when I get to work, after I sign the health screening and clock in, I plug my iPod into my speaker and jam as I do my morning chores. It’s sort of a mental prep for the day to come.
As I was setting up my til and doing some paperwork I saw a courtesy clerk walk by my building then walk back to the main store, I didn’t think anything of it. I figured she was gathering the early morning carts. A few minutes later I saw the same girl pushing a heavy cart full of ice. 10lb bags of ice, there were probably 20 bags. I was going to go outside and tell her to let the guys do that heavy work but just as I though that the song “I am Woman” by the late Helen Reddy started playing and I thought…This girl is strong and as capable as any of the guys. Then I thought…How would I feel if I was told…Let a guy do that.
”You can bend but never break me ‘Cause it only serves to make me More determined to achieve my final goal And I come back even stronger Not a novice any longer ‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul”
Recently I was told that I think my life is worse than others. I don’t, but there are things going on in my life that are exceptionally difficult. Daily dealing with a person who is dying is hard, especially when it’s a parent. Death is a part of life and, I’d hope, every adult knows this. When my father died, it was instant. A massive heart attack and he was gone. This is much different. dementia and Parkinson’s is a hellish thing that no one should have to go through. I’m not sure what is worse…living with these afflictions or watching them play out daily. Some days you just wish it would end and one day it will. Then what?
Mom and I have had some good talks and the other day I said that, in the end, there will so many emotions. Relief that it’s over, guilt for feeing the relief, sorrow….you get my point.
So much is up in the air. The only thing that is sure is that God is in control and everything happens in his time.
There are people who believe that friendship equals obligation. “If you’re my friend you are obligated to…” The problem with this kind of thinking is that it makes friendship conditional. That’s not friendship, That’s a business contract.
Today was a pretty hot day so I waited a little longer to go my walk. I also did a shorter route today because I did an epic uphill workout yesterday and I’m still kinda feeling it lol My watch also decided to tell me I failed at my workout, telling me I burned more calories yesterday *insert eye roll*
Back in July I had my yearly exam and labs done. The results weren’t that great. I My cholesterol was high but not that high, got meds for that. The one thing that scared me was my A1C level. Not high enough to cause me to be diabetic and be put on meds for it but it got my attention. So I embarked on a new adventure. Walking and exercise. Unfortunately the weather here in Arizona heated up and I wasn’t able to do much walking through the rest of July and August. Now though, the temps are coming down and I have started my routine again.
If you are in some kind of workout routine, such as walking or treadmill, I highly recommend Lady Gaga’s Chromatica. Not only is it an awesome album it is nice and upbeat.
Right now, and for the last several weeks, my world has revolved around my family. My parents mostly. My dad is in his final days of life. Yesterday my mom was asked if she had his arrangements made and that if anyone needs to see him they need to do it now.
I’m not sorry for being selfish. I’m not sorry for not being the person some expect me to be. No one’s opinion of me really matters right now, not that it ever really did. I no longer have the energy to fight. I very rarely do something for me these days. So if I am on social media doing things, commenting or active on other websites, that’s because at that moment it was all about me. I have to take moments when I can get them. If others can’t understand that…So be it. I have enough on my plate right now to care what others think.
So…All that being said…To my family and friends who do understand, I love you and I cherish you and thank you for being in my life.
There are many different types of phobias. I have a few
arachnophobia – The fear of spiders.
Coulrophobia – the fear of clowns.
Orthopterophobia – the fear of crickets and grasshoppers (among other orthoptera insects.)
I am deathly afraid of all these things. I didn’t even know there was a cricket phobia until a friend and I were talking about our shared fear of them and I looked it up.
One thing you will never see on a list of phobias is “Homophobia” That’s because there is no such thing as homophobia. This word has been giving this meaning as a way for people to justify their hate. Their bigotry and their close mindedness.
A phobia as something you are in fear of. Something that causes you anxiety and panic. People are not afraid of gays. Gay people don’t cause others anxiety or panic. Or maybe they do. I suppose if you don’t understand something it will instill a little fear but how about learning and educating oneself.
I really don’t know whyt I wrote this whole thing except that 2 things struck me in the last episode of “Say I Do”. In the show there were only 2 same sex weddings. I noticed in the first one that Thai, the fashion designer, just about fell apart at the wedding. I didn’t think much of it because he, Gabe and Jeremiah always get a little emotional at the weddings. In the last episode, the second same sex wedding, Skyler was out and proud and living his best gay self but Randy was still very much closeted. He’d come out to his family, which wasn’t received well, but he was unwilling to live outside the closet in public for fear of what people would think of him. It was all very sad and in the end he had fully embraced his gay self and come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be accepting of him and Skyler. How did that happen? It’s a long story, watch the episode “Me and my guy” to find out. Anyway, in the process Thai told his story, which had me bawling, I’m not even kidding. He wants so badly to marry his partner of 14 years but doesn’t feel that he can because of his parents prejudice. They are traditional Vietnamese people. It was all so sad. I actually messaged Thai on Instagram and told him how his story affected me. He is the sweetest man.
This is Thai and Kevin, Thai is the one holding the dog.
Melody is an ambitious entrepreneur who has always loved the thrill of a new adventure, but she’s about to get more than she bargained for when the only way to save her business is to secure a deal with a powerful tribal leader. Running Horse, Oklahoma, isn’t on the map, and Mel is about as lost as a Shifter can get. When she unexpectedly runs into her best friend’s brother, her friendly visit quickly turns treacherous.
Lakota Cross is a man with secrets. While tracking a killer, he reunites with Melody, and their friendship sparks into a passionate affair. But if he doesn’t quell the fire soon, it might burn out of control.
Once again, fate brings these two Shifters together in a moment of need. But will the sacrifice be greater than the reward?
Curl up with an exciting new tale of love and magic by Dannika Dark.
“The Vow” follows characters from the “Seven” series. Can it be read as a stand-alone? YES. Absolutely. However, if you want to learn the character’s backstory and origins, you’ll want to read and/or listen to the Seven Series! In fact, now is the perfect time to start as the first two books “Seven Years” and “Six Months” are on sale for only 99 Cents!!
Dannika Dark is the USA Today Bestselling Author of Urban Fantasy Romance and Paranormal Romance books. Her books have sold more than 2 million copies worldwide, and she is a 2016 Audie Awards finalist. In addition to writing about supernatural worlds, Dannika is passionate about graphic design and creates all her own covers and series art. When not writing in her cave, she enjoys indie music, reading, Netflix, heaps of chocolate, and unleashing her dark side.