What do you think of when you think of Arizona? Like a lot of people you probably think of desert and heat. Well we definitely do have those things but what people sometimes don’t know is that we have mountains and snow. Arizona is home to 3 ski resorts. Mount Lemon, Snowbowl and Sunrise. The Sunrise ski resort is about an hour from where I live.
We are currently under and winter storm warning. Have been since yesterday. Yesterday we got about 2 inches of snow, not a lot but today we’re expected to get about a foot. As long as it holds off until I get home from work at 2:00.
We’ve finally made it to December! The final stretch in what has been a very long year. I hope you all came out of it relatively unscathed.
For many of us, this has been a year of learning. About ourselves and others. We’ve seen some good and some bad. Some have lost loved ones. Some have lost friends. Either because of Covid or by other means. One thing I have learned, not just this year but in years and months leading up to 2020, is to watch what people say and things people post. These things speak volumes. The way someone speaks to you shows more about them than it does you. It took a while but after one confrontation early this year I decided I needed to take a step back, so I could see things more clearly. I still wasn’t ready to let go though. Even after my integrity and character were attacked. I’m a slow bloomer I suppose. So…After the 3rd, and final, confrontation, I took the final step back and closed the doors.
So, going into the new year, if I’ve learned anything, It’s to be kind. Speak kindly to people. Just because someone isn’t as intelligent as you, doesn’t converse the way you think they should, doesn’t make them any less of a person and undeserving of kind words.
I don’t know who dying is harder on, the one who is at the end of their life or the ones watching it happen. Waiting for the last breath to be taken.
It’s crazy how quickly life can take a turn. We’ve been watching my dad’s decline for several months now but it seems that all of a sudden things are coming to an end. This where we’re at this week. My dad has been coded as actively dying. Hospice is coming every day now. We are keeping him comfortable. He is pretty much comatose now. We are just waiting.
Life is fragile. Take nothing for granted. Hold your loved ones close. This is our new normal.
Recently I was told that I think my life is worse than others. I don’t, but there are things going on in my life that are exceptionally difficult. Daily dealing with a person who is dying is hard, especially when it’s a parent. Death is a part of life and, I’d hope, every adult knows this. When my father died, it was instant. A massive heart attack and he was gone. This is much different. dementia and Parkinson’s is a hellish thing that no one should have to go through. I’m not sure what is worse…living with these afflictions or watching them play out daily. Some days you just wish it would end and one day it will. Then what?
Mom and I have had some good talks and the other day I said that, in the end, there will so many emotions. Relief that it’s over, guilt for feeing the relief, sorrow….you get my point.
So much is up in the air. The only thing that is sure is that God is in control and everything happens in his time.
Right now, and for the last several weeks, my world has revolved around my family. My parents mostly. My dad is in his final days of life. Yesterday my mom was asked if she had his arrangements made and that if anyone needs to see him they need to do it now.
I’m not sorry for being selfish. I’m not sorry for not being the person some expect me to be. No one’s opinion of me really matters right now, not that it ever really did. I no longer have the energy to fight. I very rarely do something for me these days. So if I am on social media doing things, commenting or active on other websites, that’s because at that moment it was all about me. I have to take moments when I can get them. If others can’t understand that…So be it. I have enough on my plate right now to care what others think.
So…All that being said…To my family and friends who do understand, I love you and I cherish you and thank you for being in my life.
There are many different types of phobias. I have a few
arachnophobia – The fear of spiders.
Coulrophobia – the fear of clowns.
Orthopterophobia – the fear of crickets and grasshoppers (among other orthoptera insects.)
I am deathly afraid of all these things. I didn’t even know there was a cricket phobia until a friend and I were talking about our shared fear of them and I looked it up.
One thing you will never see on a list of phobias is “Homophobia” That’s because there is no such thing as homophobia. This word has been giving this meaning as a way for people to justify their hate. Their bigotry and their close mindedness.
A phobia as something you are in fear of. Something that causes you anxiety and panic. People are not afraid of gays. Gay people don’t cause others anxiety or panic. Or maybe they do. I suppose if you don’t understand something it will instill a little fear but how about learning and educating oneself.
I really don’t know whyt I wrote this whole thing except that 2 things struck me in the last episode of “Say I Do”. In the show there were only 2 same sex weddings. I noticed in the first one that Thai, the fashion designer, just about fell apart at the wedding. I didn’t think much of it because he, Gabe and Jeremiah always get a little emotional at the weddings. In the last episode, the second same sex wedding, Skyler was out and proud and living his best gay self but Randy was still very much closeted. He’d come out to his family, which wasn’t received well, but he was unwilling to live outside the closet in public for fear of what people would think of him. It was all very sad and in the end he had fully embraced his gay self and come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be accepting of him and Skyler. How did that happen? It’s a long story, watch the episode “Me and my guy” to find out. Anyway, in the process Thai told his story, which had me bawling, I’m not even kidding. He wants so badly to marry his partner of 14 years but doesn’t feel that he can because of his parents prejudice. They are traditional Vietnamese people. It was all so sad. I actually messaged Thai on Instagram and told him how his story affected me. He is the sweetest man.
This is Thai and Kevin, Thai is the one holding the dog.
Yesterday my character and integrity were attacked. All because I said I didn’t like the color of a certain military branch uniform. I was told that I intentionally insult people and that i don’t care about this person’s family member and the war they served in. Not once did I even mention a specific person nor any war. I was chewed up and spit out for using the words “basic blue”. As it turns out, this person also feels that I unsulted the whole branch.
As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am not the type of person who will intentionally insult another human being. ESPECIALLY not a member or any branch of our military. I have the utmost respect for our men and women serving in the armed forces and to say anything different is an insult to me and my character.
Today the President deemed churches as essential business. Funny….I was told church wasn’t essential and should stay closed. I guess the President disagrees, I agree with the President. 2 more weeks and we can get back to services. I can’t wait to see my church family again!
I think we need to turn back the clock to December 31, 2019 and start this year over….Only with a better outcome. This week has been especially weird. My friend’s mother passed away. Another friend of a friend went into the hospital and may not make it. Last night another friend’s grandpa died. None of these are covid related. And on top of all of that…..